Migraines are a potentially debilitating health issue and should be taken seriously — especially with other conditions, like a high-risk pregnancy, in the mix. Unfortunately, one Redditor’s husband did not get the memo, and commenters are aghast at his apparent disregard for his pregnant wife’s suffering.
User @This_Squash_2035 took to the infamous /AmITheAsshole Subreddit for some unbiased insight into a blowout fight with her husband. For context, she has Type 1 diabetes, so her pregnancy is riskier than most. “We were advised not to try and get pregnant due to my lack of control of my blood sugars,” she wrote. “It happened, and it sucks (although I’ve been monitoring it so much better and been doing much better).”
She is also part of the estimated 10 percent of people globally who suffer from chronic migraines. These painful, searing headaches are often exacerbated by external stimuli — think bright lights, loud noises, and having to talk to someone else.
Given her existing health concerns and high-risk pregnancy, @This_Squash_2035 has been asking her husband to help out more around the house. For instance, she “constantly” asks him to turn in the sleeves of his shirts the correct way to help her iron them more efficiently. She also requested that he unload the dishwasher and take out the trash “once a week.” Every other day, she handles it.
These sound like pretty reasonable asks, right? Not according to her husband, apparently. On one recent night, she found that the trash wasn’t emptied like she asked. And when she opened a cupboard, it was so full that a few plates fell on her.
Her frustration came to head later when she starting feeling a migraine come on. “I asked [my husband] to keep the lights off and keep it quiet, and he insisted on a) playing loud music and b) turning the lights on,” she wrote. Yikes. That is not a compassionate way to treat your chronically ill wife, especially when she’s pregnant.
“I just lost it,” @This_Squash_2035 continued. “I [was] so uncomfortable, and it’s like, I feel like I ask the minimum? So I told him I wouldn’t be having two children and asked him to leave. He wouldn’t, so I texted my brothers, and they came and made him [stay at a hotel].”
After calming down, @This_Squash_2035 texted her husband. He had the audacity to call her an asshole for “going nuclear” and kicking him out. Needless to say, Redditors in the comments reassured her that she was well within her right to be angry.
“NTA,” one person wrote. “You are pregnant with a serious, life-threatening medical condition. He isn’t even doing the bare minimum to be a decent partner.“
“It’s not fucking difficult to keep the volume down and keep the lights off when your partner has a freaking migraine,” someone else noted. “Those things are horrendous. He doesn’t need all the lights in the house on or music up that damn loud.”
Other Redditors were hung up on her household’s unequal division of chores, and her husband’s seeming inability to correctly turn in his shirt sleeves.
“That is called weaponized incompetence,” someone shared. “He is purposely making you think he cannot do it so you will have to continue to do so. Just flat-out stop doing it, and he will take the hint and do it or not look as presentable as he would like. Don’t let him gaslight you into thinking he can’t do it. He absolutely can.”
“These are, like, barely any tasks,” another commenter opined. “I cannot comprehend how demanding [the] bare minimum becomes too much. Pregnant or otherwise. Dude, partners [should] kiss the ground their pregnant partner walks on because that’s the amount of care you deserve.”
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